Why everyone should write their will now
The practice of leaving a written will is a kindness you can bestow to family and friends that is often underappreciated until it is already too late. In 2021, only 46% of Americans had a written will to specify what to do with their assets and preferences for medical treatment if they become unable to communicate. Although it may seem like a mundane job that can be put off for later, setting aside the time to create a written is the most significant gift that you can give to your family and friends in case of a sudden tragedy.
Table of contents
- What happens if I die without a will?
- Can't I leave an oral will instead?
- What should I put in my will?
- Would you like your funeral to be conducted in any specific religious (or non-religious) rite?
- Is there any special location, officiant, song, decoration, or other detail that you would like to have present at your funeral?
- Are there any secrets, promises, or messages that you would like to pass down to specific family members or friends?
- Are there any assets that you would like to give to specific family members or friends because of personal value instead of monetary value?
- Are there any traditions that you would like passed down to future generations?
- Are there any particular ways that you would like to be remembered?
- Who will care for your children if you die before they reach the age of majority?
- What criteria will you use for deciding how to divide your estate between your next of kin?
- Financial Considerations
What happens if I die without a will?
Passing away before setting aside the time to create a written will means that the distribution of your estate will be conducted according to local law. Although these laws vary between jurisdictions, the absence of a written will often leads to legal disputes between remaining family members that can last for decades. Even a simple written will, preferably notarized by a lawyer or notary, can be legally sufficient to ensure that your wishes are followed after passing. This can also help to bring a sense of peace to family members who no longer have to worry about guessing what you would have wanted.
Can't I leave an oral will instead?
Giving verbal instructions for what to do after your passing can also lead to further complications and personal conflict between remaining family members. Oral wills were a common practice when the majority of the population was illiterate, but today only a few states are willing to even consider the claim of an oral will. Even states that do accept oral wills place specific restrictions on the usage that won't be applicable in most cases. For example, in the State of New York, a nuncupative will is only valid if heard by two competent witnesses under one of the following three circumstances:
1. A US armed forces member who gives an oral will while actively participating in military or naval service during a war or other armed conflict.
2. A person who accompanies or serves with an armed force that is actively participating in military or naval service during a war or other armed conflict.
3. A mariner while at sea.
Except under these extenuating circumstances, it is considered to be proper practice under state law to leave a written will.
What should I put in my will?
Drafting a will can sometimes feel like a stressful calculated exercise of deciding who gets what before the worst has even taken place. Try to remember that after your passing, close family members will be intimately concerned with honoring your last wishes. Here are some questions not related to money or assets to start off with that your family members might be concerned about after your passing. If you genuinely don't have a preference with regards to some questions, that is okay! We still recommend that you put into writing the things that you don’t have a preference towards, so that your family doesn't have to wonder whether they got something wrong.
1. Would you like your funeral to be conducted in any specific religious (or non-religious) rite?
Since there can often be more than one religious (or non-religious) belief system within a family, it can be helpful for family members to have a clear directive on which funeral rites you would like used.
2. Is there any special location, officiant, song, decoration, or other detail that you would like to have present at your funeral?
Although some may feel that one's inability to attend your own funeral means the details are of little consequence, we recommend that you leave behind at least one or two request. Whether it be a certain type of flower arrangement, or a song played on bag pipes at the end, having little directives to follow can help your family members to feel a greater sense of closure during the ceremony.
3. Are there any secrets, promises, or messages that you would like to pass down to specific family members or friends?
Just like at weddings, this is an opportunity to "speak now or forever hold your peace". We recommend that you write an individual letter to each family member or friend who had a substantial impact on your life. If you were to die suddenly later this week, are there any big things that have been left unsaid, perhaps even over the course of a number of years.
4. Are there any assets that you would like to give to specific family members or friends because of personal value instead of monetary value?
It may be something that carries little financial value, like a watch passed down through generations in the family, or something of great financial value like a secluded lakefront property. The purpose here is not to think about how much money someone would get if they sold the asset. The purpose of this stage is to think about giving these special assets to people who will keep and treasure them regardless of what they could be sold for.
5. Are there any traditions that you would like passed down to future generations?
Maybe you used to be the one to wrangle the family together for a meal on Thanksgiving, or maybe once a year you planned a camping trip with all the grandkids. These are things you didn't do just for yourself, you did them because of a greater sense of purpose to keep your family's bond strong so that you will all support each other in times of hardship. Some traditions are worth ensuring that the torch gets passed down to the next generation.
6. Are there any particular ways that you would like to be remembered?
When you have been gone for a number of years, it is likely that your memory will still be ever present in the background of your family and close friend's lives. Are there any particular things that you would like remembered, like personal or professional accomplishments? Perhaps you would like someone to visit your grave site with flowers on your birthday. It could also be something to do as a part of daily life, like remembering you when seeing a certain animal, or picking out a piece of memorial jewelry to wear a couple times a week.
Memorial jewelry to keep those memories of your departed close to your heart forever.
7. Who will care for your children if you die before they reach the age of majority?
For anyone with kids under the age of majority, it is prudent to think about what would happen if both you and your spouse become unable to care for your kids until they are able to care for themselves. We recommend that after deciding who you would prefer for this role, sit down, and have a conversation with them about the details of how this would work. It is common that some of your estate would go towards the reasonable costs of childcare through this period.
8. What criteria will you use for deciding how to divide your estate between your next of kin?
This question is not about the exact monetary amounts to be distributed; it is more about the philosophy of how you think your assets should be divided after they are catalogued. While traditional approaches might involve splitting assets evenly between children, asymmetric distribution schemes have also become increasingly popular. For example, perhaps instead of an equal division of wealth, you may opt to provide some additional endowment to a younger or less established next of kin. Others may opt to leave a more limited endowment to their next of kin and the remainder to a charitable organization of choice.
Financial Considerations
After getting your personal affairs in order on paper, the next step will be the slightly more involved process of deciding how to distribute your financial assets after your passing. This part of the process can be especially difficult because very few people have an organized catalogue of their personal assets and debts. We recommend that after you have a chance to sort through the personal component of your will, you find a lawyer to assist with the remainder of the process.
