Surviving the death of a spouse
The loss of a spouse is one of the most difficult experiences that a person can go through in life. Unfortunately, this will be the fate of one spouse in every couple that stays together for life. After your spouse dies the road to recovery will take time, effort, and commitment. Below are some suggestions that we hope will help you along your journey.
Table of contents
- Find a Support System
- Don't Look at the Funeral As The End
- Find Little Ways to Remember
- It Is Not Your Duty To Grieve
- Things Will Change
- Take Care of Yourself
- Find Ways to Stay Busy
1. Find a Support System
It is likely that your spouse was one of your closest and most dependable support systems before their passing. Many people who are experience grief after the loss of a family member will have a tendency to self-isolate. Moving forward it is important to make sure that you find new people and places where you can support and be supported by others. Try not to think of this new support system as a temporary grief recovery program. Instead try to build lasting connections that can carry forward into the next chapters of your life. The first place we recommend looking would be for family connections, such as children or siblings. These people are likely to already have a strong relationship with you, and it will also help that they likely knew your spouse well before their passing. If you still feel the need for support beyond your family circle, you can look to close friends or local groups that are intended for people who have lost a spouse.
2. Don't Look at the Funeral As The End
After everything is finished with the funeral etc. things begin to quiet down. This is often when people will begin to feel a surge of emotions after the initial adrenaline rush that comes with the business of preparing for the funeral arrangements and plentitude of small tasks that must be taken care of by family members, especially when a written will has not been left by the one who has passed. Remember that although the funeral has finished, it may take months or years for you to make your way through the entire grief process. Don't try to rush your feelings, and allow yourself to feel and process the emotions that you experience with each new day.
3. Find Little Ways to Remember
Even after your spouse has been gone for a number of years, it is likely that their memory will still be ever present in your heart. Some people can find it helpful to share happy memories of the whole family from the past. Perhaps you would like to visit their grave site with flowers on their birthday. It could also be something to do as a part of daily life, like remembering them when seeing a certain animal, or picking out a piece of memorial jewelry to wear a couple times a week.
4. It Is Not Your Duty To Grieve
It is common after a significant loss or trauma to feel that it is your duty to feel bad for a prolonged period of time afterwards. Remember that the person who has gone ahead wouldn't want you to be sad for too long; it isn't proving that you love them more if you force yourself to feel negative emotions. The process of grief and the negative emotions that come along with it are a normal human response, but you are not obligated to feel any particular way. The best way to honor the ones who have gone ahead, is to focus on healing for ourselves and for those that are close to us.
5. Things Will Change
Don't expect that eventually after an indefinite amount of time, things will return to "normal". Losing a spouse will permanently change you and your family for the rest of your life. These differences may feel especially potent during the holidays or other special occasions that can serve as a new reminder that there is a family member is missing. Remember that part of your new normal might include little ways to hold those memories of your departed close to your heart. We recommend that you have a discussion with your partner about little traditions to keep your child present in your lives.
Memorial jewelry to keep those memories of your departed close to your heart forever.
6. Take Care of Yourself
During the first couple weeks, many people find that it can help to try and stay busy. Eventually family and friends will begin to go back to their regular routines and you will have to begin finding your new normal. If you find that there is a void left over, it can help to try and fill it by taking better care of yourself while you adjust. These can include things like getting regular exercise, setting healthy sleeping habits, and planning nutritious meals. It could also include getting more involved in your faith if you are religious. This can also be a good time to try and get health check ups with your doctor, especially if it has been awhile since you have had a check up.
7. Find Ways to Stay Busy
Similar to taking better care of yourself, some people who participated in activities together with their spouse in the past may find that it is difficult to get back into the same activities. If you are still interested to continue some of your old hobbies, it can be helpful to engage in them with a close friend or family member who can fill in for your spouse. If you find that you are no longer interested in the same hobbies, this can be an opportunity to explore other interests. Some ideas could include taking an exercise class, volunteering for a local charity, adopting a pet, taking a course for fun at a local college, signing up for an activity at a local community center, or reading a book in a peaceful place.
